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PrintReaffirming Life Through Loss
This may seem like a startling way to introduce you to Kris Munsch, but it’s impossible to gently tiptoe into a tragic loss. Munsch’s story of losing his 16-year-old son is unfortunately familiar to many. However, his remarkable journey through grief is one that is healing others all across the country.
Not over it, but moving beyond it
Suffering a loss—the death of a child or spouse, a divorce, natural disaster, or other major life-altering event—can feel like being smacked by the proverbial Mack truck.
In an instant, Munsch says, his life changed from that of a successful business owner to a reclusive basement-dweller. “I was in a deep depression filled with hurt, anger, sadness, and denial. The very thought of living after Blake’s death didn’t seem possible,” he says.
Reaching rock bottom, Munsch realized he needed to move forward. One day while standing at his son’s grave, he had an epiphany about using his gift for building to teach students. “As much as I didn’t want to be around kids, I had a gut feeling that’s exactly what my heart needed,” Munsch recalls.
Leaving his enterprises behind, Munsch began teaching high school woodworking. That is when the idea for The Birdhouse Project took hold.
Rebuilding lives, piece by piece
Designed to move people not from “getting over” their grief but moving “beyond it,” The Birdhouse Project is structured around building a birdhouse piece by piece. In each section—which serves as a metaphor about life—participants express their grief through writing, which helps them identify and commit to a course of transformative action.
“In crisis, we feel an absence of order, reason, purpose and hope,” Munsch says. “Without the proper tools to put our loss in context, it becomes all-consuming and threatens to take over our identity.”
Munsch explains that by openly expressing our thoughts and emotions while physically creating a space to host new life, we can make sense of that loss in the larger and ongoing narrative of our lives. “We can find purpose in the experience,” he says.
The first step is constructing a foundation, representing a strong base upon which one’s life can unfold. The walls, initially symbolizing the heartbreak and regret that imprison us, are transformed into strong, load-bearing reinforcements built with affirmations and goals.
“Once we can see the strengths in our process,” Munsch says, “we become strong enough to support the roof, or shelter, of our lives; simultaneously signaling to others that we are ready to experience stability and safety once again.”
Jody Gyulay (pronounced ju-lay) a certified grief therapist and retired certified hospice palliative care nurse has attended one of Munsch’s workshops. She says The Birdhouse Project can be used for any kind of loss.
“Any loss has a ‘death’ to it, but when we can name our pain it becomes real, is validated, opens our wounded hearts, and pushes us to begin the long journey of putting the pieces of our lives—that will never be the same—back together,” says Gyulay.
According to Gay Kahler, co-chapter leader of The Compassionate Friends in Olathe, whose mission is to assist families with grief following the death of a child, the physical rebuilding aspect of the workshop plays an integral role.
“It is such a great tool to help you make sense of what happened, put it in perspective and have something tangible to see and use to begin the long healing process.”
Afterwards, Kahler says, one can more easily ask themself: “What is my foundation now?” “What is my new affirmation?” “What are my new goals?”
Faith as a guiding light
Munsch’s journey also led him to Church of the Resurrection in Overland Park. Although he went there for spiritual support, he supported others with The Birdhouse Project.
“I was absolutely blown away by Kris’ passion for helping others in the midst of their grief, while grieving himself,” says Rev. Wendy Lyons Chrostek who co-facilitated a grief ministry program at the church. “At the workshop there were grieving widows, young children who had lost their father and people who had lost relationships through divorce. Through it, tears were shed, personal stories came forth and transformation took place. It was truly powerful.”
Nearly five years after his son’s death, Munsch’s faith in the process of life was tested further when his second marriage failed. “I found that once again, I needed to move forward,” he says. “So I sold almost everything I owned, packed up my car and set off to interview 365 people (symbolizing the individual steps to a complete year of life) and build a birdhouse in each of the lower 48 states in honor of Blake.”
Since last July, Munsch has driven more than 18,000 miles through 40 states, using The Birdhouse Project in schools, churches, recovery groups, mental and emotional healthcare facilities and other settings to help others on their own journeys.
Life is a continuum
Although Munsch uses his story to transform lives, he does experience emotional setbacks. Nevertheless, his life is more fulfilling. “I live with more passion, depth, energy and vision in honor of Blake. His blood no longer flows through his veins, but it can flow through mine through my work.”
Munsch is moving forward spiritually as well. “This may sound really strange, but this project was given to me from a much higher power. Maybe it was my son, God, the universe … I’m not sure, but I’m not about to question it.”
For more information, visit www.TheBirdhouseProject.com.
