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PrintWith A Little Help From My Friends
A group of friends gathered for their monthly night out, when out of nowhere a Genie appears. The Genie says, “Tell me your wishes, and I will grant you the wherewithal to make them come true. But you’ve got to hurry; I’ve got lots of wishes to grant this evening.”
The friends are stunned, but each of them blurts out a wish, “To live a long life, happiness, health, more productivity at work, a sharp memory as I age, to ward off depression and to better cope with stress.”
Poof! A cloud of smoke appears—but nothing else does. Everyone is confused. One of the friends politely comments to the Genie, “I don’t see that any of our wishes have been granted.”
The Genie laughs as he replies, “If you would have wished for wisdom, maybe you’d have it figured out by now. You see, what you wished for you’ve had all along. You have each other.”
Friendship is human nature. As you know, it benefits us in the usual ways with fun, laughter, camaraderie, support, etc. What you may not know is that friendship benefits us in unusual ways too, like our happiness, productivity at work, health and even how long we live.
Happiness
TAKE-HOME LESSON
Nurture Friendships in Usual and Unusual Ways
TAKE 5
Once a week, take five minutes and check in with a friend. Whether by phone, snail mail, e-mail or text, those few minutes may reap exponential benefits. NURTURE YOUR OWN WELL-BEING Although research shows that friendships impact our happiness, the reverse is also true. Happy people have more enduring friendships. So, purposely take the time to bolster your own well-being (see previous The Good Life columns in 435 South magazine for ideas).
USE YOUR STRENGTHS AND APPRECIATE OTHERS’
MAKE A PLAN |
In studies of happiness across nations, only one factor consistently predicts happiness: social relationships. When asked questions like, “What makes your life meaningful and worthwhile?” time and again most people report it is their close relationships that give their lives meaning.
Nobel Laureate Daniel Kahneman and his colleagues used a sophisticated methodology to investigate these questions more closely. Specifically, they looked at how people spend their time and with whom, and which activities make them happiest throughout the day. Spending time with friends is at the top of the list of what makes people happy, ranking well above spending time with relatives, spouses and children. Socializing is near the top of the list of activities that makes us happy, ranking No. 2 (slightly below engaging in intimate relations).
Friendships can boost our mood and self-esteem, help us ward off depression and anxiety and even change our perceptions. In a recent experiment, individuals judged a hill to be less steep and easier to climb when a friend was standing next to them than they did when they were standing alone.
Apparently good friends can make mountains seem like molehills.
Work
Some of the most controversial research on friendship relates to those in the workplace. Many companies discourage friendships at work, and some have explicit policies against it. Gallup’s research on employee engagement is leading some companies to re-examine those policies.
Tom Rath, a Global Practice Leader at Gallup and The New York Times bestselling author explains, “Our research reveals that just 30 percent of employees have a best friend at work. Those who do are seven times as likely to be engaged in their jobs, are better at engaging customers, produce higher quality work, have higher well-being and are less likely to get injured on the job. In sharp contrast, those without a best friend in the workplace have just a one in 12 chance of being engaged.”
Although conventional wisdom suggests that chitchat among friends at work may decrease productivity, an MIT study reveals the opposite. Idle conversation among friends at work actually boosts productivity. Time spent by the water cooler may be time well spent.
Health & Longevity
Friends can encourage healthy behaviors like physical activity and good nutrition, and when friends engage in health-promoting activities together, the benefit is even more robust. Having a friend to exercise with is one of the strongest predictors of adherence to exercise. And if your best friend has a healthy diet, you are five times more likely to have a healthy diet, too.
But, use caution. Friends can also influence us in unhealthy ways. A study published in The New England Journal of Medicine finds that an individual’s chance of becoming obese increased by 57 percent if they have a friend who became obese. And regardless of health behaviors, hostile relationships cause stress, which can be damaging to our health.
Consider these findings about the impact of friendship on health and longevity:
• Friendships buffer against the harmful effects of stress.
• Having friendships can reduce the risk of heart attack and coronary heart disease. Lack of friendship increased the risk at a rate equivalent to smoking.
• Adults with the fewest social ties may suffer memory decline at twice the rate of those with stronger social ties.
• Being socially isolated is a significant risk factor for death, equivalent to the health risk of smoking or being overweight.
• Having strong friendships reduces the risk of death by 22 percent among adults over age 70.
Writing this article has reminded me how critical friendships are. I glanced back at the study by Daniel Kahneman and colleagues, who found spending time with friends is at the top of the ‘what makes us happy’ list while housework ranks close to the bottom.
So, I ditched my housework and purposely spent more time with friends during the last two weeks. And I’m happier and healthier for it. Unfortunately, friendship has had no impact on my pile of laundry. I know what I’m wishing for the next time a Genie appears!
