QUESTION:
My husband, Dave, and I have been married for 12 years. We have three children: a boy, 5, and two girls, 7 and 9. The children have decided that they want a dog. Dave grew up on a farm with dogs around and likes the idea. When I was growing up, my family did not have any pets, and I am uncomfortable with the idea. I have a bad feeling that if we get a dog, I will be the one walking it and cleaning up after it. What do you think?
- Anne in Olathe
ANSWER:
Anne, you may have good reason to object to having a dog. However, if you veto the idea now, you will be seen by the children as the one standing in the way of their happiness. At this point, it is good to get everyone to first consider the benefits and drawbacks of pet ownership.
On the benefits side, having a dog or any pet caters to two primary human needs—health needs and emotional needs. On the health side, studies have shown that when we own a pet, our physical activity is increased. Because we need to care for a pet (i.e. walking a dog), we are forced to get up and do more. Furthermore, we are more likely to enjoy a walk when we have companionship. And exercise, in turn, is good for stress management.
Other studies show that a pet aids the owner’s blood pressure and overall cardiac health. This is especially true for older people. When a person pats a dog or strokes a cat on their lap, the physical contact relieves and reduces stress levels in the body. In one study, groups of hypertensive New York stockbrokers who got dogs or cats were found to have lower blood pressure and heart rates than those who did not get pets. When most of those in the non-pet group heard the results, they went out and got pets!
On the emotional side, pets provide companionship and friendship that may be difficult to find in other humans. Pets are loyal, loving and do not argue. Some studies indicate that many people who own pets say that their dog, cat or bird is their best friend. Recent research shows that, when conducting a task that is stressful, people actually experience less stress when their pets are with them than when a supportive friend or even their spouse is present! (This may be partially due to the fact that pets don’t judge us; they just love us.)
Pets can also improve your mood. It is difficult to stay in a bad mood when a pair of loving puppy eyes meets yours. One recent study found that men with AIDS were less likely to suffer from depression if they owned a pet.
On the other side of the question, it is important to realize that owning a pet is not for everyone. First, pets do come with additional work and responsibility, and this can bring its own stress. You also need time to train and shape your dog into a good dog. If you do not do this, you will lose out on the joys a dog can bring.
Secondly, dogs cost money and have many needs such as food and training aids, routine veterinary needs and sometimes emergency care.
Third, the exercise is not always fun. It is no picnic getting up at five in the morning to walk your dog in freezing winter weather before you go to work. Finally, dogs can make it hard to keep a house clean, especially if your dog sheds.
So what should you do? I suggest that you make it clear to the children that the family must share the responsibilities for the dog and decide beforehand who will walk him and feed him and when. Also, you need to set rules for the dog’s behavior. Will he be allowed on furniture? Can he eat table scraps? Can he have the run of the house? If he is whining all night, should you give in? You should decide on these rules before bringing the dog home.
If the children agree on rules and responsibilities, you will probably wind up getting the dog. Realistically, after this happens, you should expect that the children will not completely follow their commitment. As you fear, you will wind up filling in for everyone else. From what I have seen with my clients, Mom winds up doing most of the work. But also, you will likely find that your dog will become part of the family. Like one of your children, he will entail time, expense and trouble. But also like one of your children, you will want to keep him just the same. Have fun and be ready for a bit of change.
words: Susan A. Horen